Looks vs Words
by laurah2215
Summary: The Cold.


Title: Looks Vs. Words

Author: Laura H

Rating: Teen

Spoilers: The Cold

Disclaimer: Insert random... "I do not own..."

He had been caught up in thought, soaking in her relaxed, almost

inviting look and reminiscing over how her lips had felt against his

that morning-that morning that seemed so far away now. That's why

when the envelope containing her hotel key slid across the table,

and her open gaze met his from across the table, he had been shocked

and almost stunned.

Whoa...did she just? Does this mean she wants? Can we? This is going

to affect the campaign. Maybe I should run it by...

And all of a sudden Edie is offering to take the abandoned room key

back to Donna, who is out in the lobby. Josh quickly, yet casually,

stumbles over his protest, to no avail. Edie is already half away

across the room before he realizes just how poorly he had messed

this up.

Why can't I just do one thing right? Josh mentally chastises

himself.

Donna's expression as she retrieves the key from Edie is

heartbreaking to Josh. She looks confused, hurt and slightly annoyed

all in one. He knows that the two steps forward they had taken this

morning had been offset by three giant leaps back-all courtesy of

his anxiety, over-analysis and lack of speed.

Josh finds himself knocking on the door, holding his breath as his

hand is braced in front of the door.

"Josh...you're the last person I expected here tonight." Comes the

curious tone from behind the white door.

"I'm...I'm really sorry to bother you, Leo, but...uh...I was hoping

we could talk." He runs a hand through his hair, his signature

nervous habit.

Leo offers a small smile and opens the door to allow Josh into the

room. " Make yourself at home, kid. I don't want to hear about

polls or pundits tonight. I'm taking one hour before I go to bed to

finish my crossword and catch reruns of old 80's sitcoms."

Josh can't contain the smile that escapes his lips as he settles on

the couch in Leo's suite. " It sounds like you're really busy, so I

won't keep you long."

"It's no problem. What's on your mind? You seemed distracted today.

Okay, more distracted than normal." Leo comes out of the kitchen,

handing Josh a can of ginger ale.

Josh's eyebrows raise at the proffered drink.

"They clear out the mini bar before I stay in a suite, and I figured

it would do you good to avoid caffeine this late at night. So, you

were about to tell me..." Leo's eyes widen in anticipation as takes

a seat opposite Josh in an arm chair.

Licking his lips, Josh leans forward, bracing himself for this

potentially awkward conversation. "Leo, when Jenny told you she

wanted to separate, that must have felt terrible-like you had

screwed up your relationship and you'd never get a second

chance...right?"

Leo's gaze in narrowed in confusion, but he nods.

Josh continues. "Well, that's sorta how I feel right now. I feel

like, for once in nine years, I really don't have a chance of making

things work with Donna."

"What happened? What did you do, Josh?" Leo snaps quickly, in that

tone that only a father-figure can use when he's reprimanding a

child.

Josh's head drops, practically into his lap. "We were both really

caught up in the excitement of the release of the poll numbers and

we...God, we shared the most amazing kiss. And then I was a jerk and

I tried to apologize for it...not because I didn't want it, or

because she didn't want it to happen, but because I thought it still

might be inappropriate. And then...Leo...She still forgave me for

fumbling. She still wanted to make this work after that. She tried

to give me her hotel key in the bar, only I wasn't quick enough and

Edie grabbed it instead and took it back to Donna. The look on her

face made me want to pull my hair out."

Leo grins impishly. "Well, it's a good thing you didn't because

you're losing more hair by the day, Josh...Okay, so you screwed up

a simple key transaction, and you're worried Donna will infer that

as a rejection or disinterest?."

Josh bobs his head, suddenly hopeful that perhaps Leo, his greatest

role-model, can help him salvage his doomed relationship.

"Why don't you just explain what happened and tell her that, in

fact, you'd be more than delighted to pursue a wholesome courtship

with her?" Leo nods firmly, standing up.

"Wholesome courtship? Leo, we've been dancing around each other for

nine years!" Josh practically squeals.

Shaking his head affectionately, Leo smirks and pats Josh on the

back. "Yeah, but keep in mind that this will be the last woman you

will ever date, and that she has been waiting nine years for you to

pull your head out of your ass. She deserves only the best."

"What if I screw up? Leo, what if she leaves me?" Josh's nervous

fidgeting has stopped, and suddenly anxiety and nerves are replaced

by fear and open insecurity.

"You mean like she did before? I think you're going to have to

realize at some point that there is a difference between your

professional lives and personal lives. Donna will not always work in

the same building as you. But if you can learn to trust her, to

really expose your heart and express your feelings, than she will

never leave you personally." As he stands leaning against the wall

in the hallway, Leo looks resigned and regretful. It's obvious he is

counting his own mistakes.

Josh leans in the doorjamb and contemplates Leo's advise. " I can't

stand to lose her, Leo."

"Then you've got to tell her that. Make sure she knows everything."

Leo tells him simply.

He had tried passing her a note across the long conference table the

next morning. The note that had read " We need to talk."had been

passed across the table and ended up at Bram's place setting. Bram's

eyebrows had raised in surprise upon reading the message and now

everyone thinks Josh has some personal attraction to the younger

man. Donna had, with professional poise, successfully avoided Josh's

intense gaze and dominating presence all that day. Through travel,

meetings and a rally, Donna had ignored Josh or managed to

communicate to him through the staff. She was sending a clear

signal; she wasn't going out of her way to put herself out for him

anymore.

Just when Josh was about to give up for the day, he spots Donna

conversing with Ronna in the hotel lobby. Josh calls goodbye to the

group of staff following him into the building and drops his cell

phone into his coat pocket. With two or three giant steps, he is at

Donna's side, a wide, innocent smile plastered on his face.

"Good evening, ladies. Heading up to your rooms?" He positions

himself between the two of them.

Ronna rolls her eyes. " The congressman said we could get a few

hours of relaxation tonight, remember?"

"Josh hasn't grasped the concept of relaxation, Ronna. Just ignore

him." Donna deadpans, no trace of a smile present on her expression,

which is focused on the younger woman. "Have a good night. I'll see

you at staff tomorrow."

"Night."Ronna smiles awkwardly and head toward the bank of elevators

off to the side.

Donna swings her tote bag over her shoulder and is about to make her

way toward a group of Santos campaign staff over to the right when

Josh lightly tugs her elbow.

"Josh..."

"I've wanted to talk to you since yesterday morning." Josh admits

breathlessly. "I just...I screwed up a couple of times."

"I would be upset, but I'm so used to it I'm impervious." Donna

remarks, her eyes drifting the floor.

"We need to discuss the kiss and...the key and...the confluence of

events that got us to this place." Josh's eyes are boring into

Donna's, and for once there is no hint of hidden pretenses,

misdirection or masked emotions. He is an open book.

Donna sighs out loud, her expression resigned. "Josh...I'm so tired

of this. Nine years of flirting and banter and friendship and

undefined professional relationship and I can't do this anymore.

Last night was the last straw. Maybe I...maybe I misread the

signals. When we kissed I thought it meant that you really wanted

me. And then you started to apologize and pass it off as

inappropriate and I didn't want to lose my cool and look like some

freak that's been pining after you all these years so I dismissed

it. Then I talked to Will and CJ- because they could tell how

excited I was at the prospect of starting a real relationship with

you- and they didn't seem at all surprised that we had a personal

relationship. In fact, Will encouraged me to go after it and assured

me that it wasn't inappropriate." Donna exhales deeply and relaxes,

her gaze dropping to the ground. "So...I decided to take the next

step and show you that I was ready to start something serious. And

then you...God, Josh...I don't know if I can handle the teasing, the

ogling eyes the stolen kisses anymore. I need to know for sure where

we stand. I think you're afraid to jump head first into this, and I

think you're afraid of mixing your work and your love life. I

need..."

She is cut-off mid-sentence by Josh's firm lips pressing demandingly

against hers. Instantly, Donna's body begins to react to the kiss in

the familiar way that it had yesterday. Although today's kiss is

much more passionate, much more exploring and soul-searching than

the previous one. The one they had shared in the heat of the moment

yesterday had caught them off guard, and as a result they had been

tentative, exploring and they had taken it slow. Now, one of Josh's

hands is kneading Donna's shoulders underneath her coat, and the

other is grasping at her hand. Donna's free hand is brushing Josh's

chin, neck and chest frantically.

After a few seconds, an alarm bell in Donna's brain begins to sound

loudly. She brings her hand around to grab Josh's and she brings

both of their pairs of entwined hands between their bodies and

slowly, lazily reclaims her lips.

"Donna..."

Donna's eyes dart around the lobby nervously. " Josh, do you realize

half of the senior campaign staff are staring at us right now?"

Josh's grin tells her the campaign is the farthest thing from his

mind. He rubs her knuckles between his fingers. "Shsh. None of that

matters. I should have told you, years ago, how much you mean to me.

I just...I was so afraid that if you didn't feel the same way...I

was so afraid you'd leave. Everybody I let close to my heart, with

the exception of my mother and Leo, ends up getting hurt or leaving

me."

"All you ever had to do was tell me, Josh. I'm not a mind-reader. I

need more than heated looks. I need to hear the words." Donna tells

him in a whisper, her forehead resting against his.

Josh places a delicate kiss to her cheek, his face an explosion of

nervous excitement, expectation and joy. "Why don't you come up to

my room? I have a feeling that nine years of confession will take

hours."

Donna leans back to see Josh's facial expression, knowing that this

is the final plunge; either she is in or not. And from Josh's open,

honest and expectant look, Donna realizes that he will not let her

down this time and that she finally receive the confirmation she had

been seeking "Okay". She nods shyly.

Slipping an arm around to the small of Donna's back and gently

guiding her to the elevators, Josh has a moment to reflect and

consider. He is aware that his entire relationship with Donna is

riding on the impending conversation and that he will have to figure

out a way to articulate all of the jumbled, amazing, suffocating,

intoxicating sometimes overwhelming feelings he has for the woman he

had been enamored with for nearly a decade. But now he knows that

she truly cares about him as well, and that he can make this work

and she won't abandon him. And for the first time he feels his heart

soaring at the thought of finally trusting the woman he loves.


End file.
